WHY THIS SONG?

"Ga Du Gi"

No fences.

Being cast as Curly McQuista in this feature film "The Cherokee Word for Water"  is a big deal for me, and the reason why is not about what was going on on the outside - there on a movie set, where fences were around everything.. It was on the inside where Indian lore and in tact ritual and traditions completely captivated me.  

So here's what it feels like on the inside. When I was a teenager I went through Montana and Wyoming with thirty some - odd other boys on a one month adventurous camping trip from Texas (through many National Parks) all the way to British Columbia. I remember that there weren't any fences and we could see freely across the vast windswept countryside for miles and miles? For me I always took particular note that that vastness began with seeing no fences in the foreground, immediately freeing me up from any confining concepts.. 

I remember so well how my eyes ran free as Mustangs out there because of that initial opening.

Seeing majestic scale like this gives me a deep sense of oneness and belonging. The Himalaya evoked the same freedom inside me, so do grasslands, deserts and the Gulf of Mexico.. 

This is how the American Indian culture I encountered, made me feel. 

It's easy to describe the feeling visually in terms of landscape, but I am having a hard time telling you about the profundity of this elegant and graceful ancient culture that I had the opportunity to get a glimpse of, finally embrace me as one of their own - all because I became one with the character I played in this movie...

"Curly". 

Let me describe him to you as I encountered him. 

Charlie Soap, #1 producer (who personally cast me) ultimately became director of this film (and who the film is about along with his recently deceased wife, Wilma Mankiller, who became the Principal Chief of the Cherokee Nation) made a promise to Wilma on her death bed, that he would follow through on this biographical film about the story of his and her leadership role in the all volunteer construction of the sixteen mile long (mostly by hand) digging of the Bell community waterline. 

This is a positive and uplifting story about contemporary American Indian life and traditional ways of community ("Ga Du Gi") . It will continue to raise awareness about our country's beautiful, isolated and tragically exploited original culture. 

This is an amazing story of victory of the human spirit in the face of incredible odds. 

Back to Curly... 

I'll have you know that I flunked my audition miserably...  Tim Kelly, The first director who was very busy, who graciously instructed me said: " Okay, let's read some lines from your part on the script.. are you ready?" (Uh oh.... Where did I put that script?... Oh shit! where is it?!?! ) "Oh, okay I found it!".. "Um Tim, I feel kind of embarrassed telling you this, but I'm pretty dyslexic and I don't read very well out loud..." 

Oh fuck! I forgot that is what happens in an audition and was completely un prepared for this reading thing. 

Tim Kelly is a very sweet and tolerant guy.. 

He then said: "Okay then.... Let's just have a conversation then.. I'll read the line before yours and you talk to me like you are Curly."

"BLA BLA BLA"

"Um Ben, I think you are giving Curly too much forethought.. He was a simple and happy fellow... Let's try again..." 

"BLA BLA BLA"

"Excuse me Ben, I think Curly wasn't suspicious of the Indians... even though the whites didn't get any subsidies from the Indian Nation.. " 

Whoops, a blatant white guy projection on my part...

"BLA BLA BLA"

"Okay Ben.. I want to thank you for going to all this trouble and we'll be in touch soon."

A call comes in later from Kristina: "Ben, you have been such a trooper as we have been so indecisive about who's going to play Curly. I have to tell you that they (director & co-producer) really like you as a person, but have decided to go with a real actor as this is a pretty significant roll in the movie." .."Really?!" I said thinking that she might be joking. Yes really.. 

After we hung up the phone, I ran upstairs and shaved this god damned beard off that I'd been growing in a hurry up and wait fashion (as required) since February for this film. Bitter sweet emotions of rejection and relief fill my body as I hold a fan up to cool my new - baby tokus soft face.

The sweet part was - The Continental Club had offered me a residency gig where I'd play every Monday and I was very excited to say YES!

10PM the phone rings again... Kristina says: "I want to thank you again for being such a good sport about all of this.. The director is having a conversation with Charlie Soap about this and may possibly be reconsidering." 

"Uh Kristina, I hate to tell you this but my face is now as soft as your granddaughter Olivia's hinney right now.. This beard was off my face within 5 minutes of hanging up the phone."

"Oh... Well, hold tight, we'll be back with you ASAP" 

Next morning there was a email that simply said,"DON'T SHAVE! YOU'RE HIRED, WE'LL DEAL WITH IT".

Turns out Charlie (who knows me) said that I was perfect for the part and to get me up there...

So I arrived there with my hat in my hands apologising to the powers that be for their last word being usurped by Charlie's trump card. 

I sat with Charlie at lunch on the set my first day and asked him to please tell me everything he remembers about Curly.. 

And this is when and were the fence cracked open.

Charlie explained: 

"Curly was a really poor white man- shade tree mechanic, who could fix anything. He lived with a Cherokee woman who was blind and he took care of her. "McQuista" was his last name. He was the kind of guy that was really pitiful to look at.. Always dirty from fixing machines and cars. People on the Bell community laughed at him behind his back, but even still, he always was available to help others. I have to say, Curly was the least important person on the waterline project at first and the most important person at the end of the project. He was there everyday to help. He kept our backhoe and all equipment running and even though he didn't get any subsidies from the "nation" he didn't blame the people and was still always there to help. The last day of the waterline project, I said "Curly, you must be happy that this job is done..." Curly welled up with tears and replied: "No Charlie, I have met some really great people and made so many friends and learned what a fine community we live in here in Bell.. I'm going to miss this a lot." 

Charlie finished by saying that the good fortune that came with Bell communities "Gadugi" (Cherokee motto for communal effort) led to their building housing there, and the first day of construction.. There was Curly, ready to help. 

This was my first feeling of insight to the reason that I might have been called to duty. Curly, on that day which happened to be Yom Kippur, became my hero and a model of a man I aspire to be like.

From there, I met Moses Brings Plenty. He was sitting in a chair in a purple shirt with black braids that would stretch to his knees. Moses was also cast by Charlie as the star who was playing the part of Charlie. I had to introduce myself. 

Moses is a spiritual leader of the Lakota people. I found him to be an approachable and likable fellow. Though he was slightly protected at first.. he opened up when I asked: "Who was Curly to you?"... 

Moses said that this film is significant to him because #1. it's not a period piece where Indians are just playing bareback warriors etc.. but rather it portrays contemporary Indian life. He then went on to say that Curly is a very important and interesting role because for once the tables are turned and the white guy is the minority - underdog who proves himself by continuous acts of virtue and charity, and is finally embraced by the community.

Well okay then... Now I am seeing a more fence less environment where emotion and compassion is the guide to the other side.. But in retrospect I do not fully grasp this concept yet.. But am ahaa-ing big time, as the feeling has made it into my head and is slowly starting to trickle into my heart zone.

The next few days are filled with being led around in a daze and winging it by direction of Moses, Steve Reevis (new friend/great actor) and the director as best I can... I am relying on my wardrobe to carry the part as people are really getting a kick out of it. 

Several days later, I am settling in as #4 on the cast list of hierarchy and am hearing that people are amazed to hear that I am not a seasoned actor. But I am of course, still winging it... So I am thinking: "If this is acting, it isn't that hard to do." 

LOL! 

Next day at what was to be a bake sale by the Bell community ladies to raise money on Curly and his family's behalf. I was supposed to be very surprised and moved by all the effort that the community had gone to - just for me.

This is where it got very interesting. 

By all my 'winging it' I had no idea of the deep significance of this scene and what this scene really was about. Because of that and my gross inexperience - I became emotionally mechanical. I found myself grasping for straws for an appropriate emotional "look"..

Moses pulled me aside and said: "Ben, This scene is it man... This scene is pivotal.

This is where you Curly, as a white man, realize that in spite of all that your people have done to us for centuries, this is the moment of redemption where through your good heart and deeds, we accept you as one of our own. Where we are all just human beings living together in this world." 

It took a few minutes to sink in, but when I looked at all the traditional Indian figures and pottery and baskets and cakes and cookies and brownies that this community had made to help themselves were now being sold to help me as one of their own, I lost it.

As you will see in the movie - this scene that became totally ad-libbed, I broke out in tears, overwhelmed and speechless with emotion as Teresa Leach broke script and gave me a big hug.. 

This was where the rubber met the road... No more fences.. From that moment on I felt I was embraced as Ben and Curly as one person connected to everyone and everything as family - a friend of the people. 

The only difference between similar experiences in the past and this one, is that I was younger then and was a guest.. This time at the tender young age of 53, I have experienced enough to feel somewhat self actualized and accepted as a human being in the making of a communal contribution bigger than ourselves.

No fences. 

"Ga Du Gi"

Photo: Michael Heller

And so here is a song I wrote for my new indigenous friends as a thank you/love letter expressing my interpretation of our experience together or at least my willingness to try and understand. 

Ga Du Gi

© 2-21-2012 Ben Livingston 

(Am, G, D)

THEY DREW THEIR BOWS

TOWARDS THE SMOKE AND MIRRORS

THE SHADOW THEY SAW

WAS THEIR OWN

 BUT THEY SET THEIR SIGHTS 

ON THE GREAT BEYOND

THE TROPHY 

WAS NEITHER FLESH OR BONE

GA DU GI

DO YOU RECALL WHEN TIMES WERE SO DARK

CAN'T FORGET WHEN OUR MOUTHS WERE DRY

BUT WHEN YOU'RE ALL ALONE IN THE MIDDLE OF A DESERT

IT'S HARD TO REMEMBER ANY REASONS WHY 

GA DU GI

BROTHERS AND SISTERS

GA DU GI

MISSUS AND MISTERS

GA DU GI

TILL THE DAY IS DONE

GA DU GI

AGAIN WITH THE RISING SUN 

GA DU GI

SUCH A LONG HARD ROAD TRAVELED

IT'S A LONG TIME BEFORE THE SUN GOES DOWN

WALK ALONE AND WE'LL COME UNRAVELED

BUT TOGETHER, WE'LL FIND OUR WAY HOME

GA DU GI

SIXTEEN MILES 

IS A LONG WAY TO WALK

WHEN YOU'RE BURIED ALIVE IN QUICK SAND

NOW TRY DIGGING THAT FAR WITH A PICK AND SHOVEL

NOW TRY DIGGING THAT FAR WITH YOUR TWO BARE HANDS

GA DU GI

ALL MISSUS AND MISTERS

GA DU GI

ALL BROTHERS AND SISTERS

GA DU GI

WITH THE RISING SUN 

GA DU GI

LONG AFTER THE JOB IS DONE

GA DU GI

THERE'S AS MANY WAYS TO THE SPIRIT

AS ARE FOLKS WHO WANT TO FIND IT

DEPENDS ON IF YOU REALLY WANT TO HEAR IT

IF YOU WANT TO LIVE THIS LIFE

YOU CAN'T HIDE BEHIND IT

GA DU GI

ALL TOGETHER

GA DU GI

FANNED WITH AN EAGLE'S FEATHER

GA DU GI

WE CAN MAKE IT ON OUR OWN

GA DU GI

WE'LL  FIND OUR OWN WAY HOME

GA DU GI